Chapter 7 - Letters to Molly
/Dearest Molly,
I promised I’d write to you every day. I miss you. I never realized how painful it would be. I saw you almost every day because of class, and then we finally go out together, and now you're all I can think about. Except now, there’s no class the next day. How is everything? Are you going to take your Start-Aheads or are you going to take summers off? Gymnasium sounds like it’ll be really great. Like Lyceum, but with more freedom. Are you still going to study Business Management?
It’s weird for me here. Everything is so crazy! I was introduced to the team today, they all seem really nice. Professor Cecilia and that guy Standish I told you about have been really helpful and understanding. I’m in some underground base. I can’t really go into much detail about things, security’s pretty tight. The project is so awesome, though! I’m really excited to get everything started. The Professor explained that I’ll start physical training tomorrow. I have to go through a few weeks of BASIC before they’ll let me get in the simulators. Apparently, even the Sims can be really physical. I wish you could see my dorm, It’s crazy! It’s like out of a painting or something.
I don’t want to eat up all your time, Molly. I miss you, and I hope to see you soon. I’ll be in touch.
Yours, truly,
Jim
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Dearest Molly,
Ugh! I don’t think I can do another push-up. And the food still hasn’t got better. I’ve only been here a week and I think I’m going to die. If you hear about me on the news, it wasn’t my fault; call the authorities, let them know I was worked to death. I can barely type this, my arms are so dead. Gunny Garrell is a slave-driver, I promise you! It was good to hear back from you yesterday. It really is hard, you know? When I get out of here, you’ll be the first person I see, promise. It’s true, though, “We’ll always have a hard time seeing each other.” But, if those knights used to do it back in medieval prehistory, I think we can pull it off. I’m glad you’re taking summers instead of Start-Aheads. It’ll take longer to get commendation, but you don’t get breaks in the real world, live it up! Do you think you’ll do an abroad and maybe even take a gap year, too? I would love to visit the Southern Union sometime, their culture is just so unique!
The food really isn’t the nightmare I say it is, though. A ton better than Lyceum’s cafeteria, but still not quite home-cooked. And nothing like the diner. I miss that diner already. And the coffee tastes like sugary chalk. But, I can’t complain too much, at least they have it. I talked with a few of the office people around here, and they said on other bases they’ve worked at, they didn’t even get coffee at all! Could you imagine? There is still so much going on here, finding my feet is hard. Like I said, I don’t get to see the others on my team much, I spend most of my time either in BASIC with the two other new recruits or in my dorm studying the dozens of manuals they’re making me read. There are so many regulations, rules, and proclamations they require you to know, it’s crazy! Gunny will randomly yell at me “What is 104(c)5 of the Treaty on International Prisoners!” and if I don’t answer right, I have to do push-ups until HE finishes reciting it, and if he’s feeling brutal, he talks REALLY slowly. Anyway, I'll let you get back to things. I truly miss you. It's so hard being away!
All my heart,
Jim
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Dearest Molly,
I was so happy to see you yesterday! I know it'd only been 3 weeks since we last saw each other, I know, but every minute with you is precious. I talked to the Commander like I said I would and she said she didn't know when I'd get more shore leave. Apparently I'm half-way through BASIC now, so she may give me another day or two when I finish. I don't wanna plan on it, but if I do, I'd love to spend it with you. I know I couldn't shut up about it yesterday, but I do seriously like your dorm, I wasn't just trying to flatter you! Claire and you really have it all organized and decorated perfectly. It was nice to meet all your new friends, too. Send them my regards. Maybe one day I can keep my promise and show you my room. I know you said it looked great in the video tour I brought, but like I said, it doesn't do it near enough justice. Anyway, I saw you yesterday so there isn't a whole lot to say other than I miss you like crazy. This is getting really hard!
All my heart,
Jim
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Dearest Molly,
As expected, I'm done with BASIC next week and the Commander said I could have that weekend off. Can we see each other? I know now that you're the Student Events Coordinator and Dorm Captain that you're super busy, but I really was hoping we could hang out. If not, it's cool though. I'll try and get online with Deka and Shamz and some of the guys from the team. I have barely been able to see them much because our schedule never overlaps. Anyway, I'll make it quick tonight. I miss you so much! Talk to you later.
All my heart,
Jim
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Dearest Molly,
I miss you! I'm glad we got to see each other last week. I know you've had so much to do with school that it's hard to fit everything in. It means a lot that you were able to clear some time for me, even if it was only a night! I'm really sorry to hear about Claire and Roger. They had been dating forever, I can't believe he'd do that to her. But, I guess it's best to get it out of the way before the school year starts. It'dve been terrible if she found out about the other girls during finals or something.
Now that BASIC is out, I've got a year or so of training before they'll even let me into the simulators. It's so crazy! I thought I'd be right into it after I finished. But, apparently, the first step of being a pilot is learning how the machines work. The Commander was pretty insistent on Standish not short-circuiting that, so I'm taking a pretty extensive crash course from the mechanics for the next few months. Tim, the lead mechanic I told you about, is a really cool guy, but I don't think he makes a particularly good professor. He keeps talking and using words and stuff like I know what's going on. Oh well, I'm sure I'll get the hang of it. Did you visit your guidance counselor today? I know you were supposed to so you could get your classes set up. Did everything go well? Anyway, I miss you like crazy. I will talk to you later, and I will dream of the next time we get to see each other.
All my heart,
Jim
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Dearest Molly,
I know it's only been a few months since we got to see each, but it feels like I got out of BASIC yesterday. Every day is just the same, it all seems to meld together. I'm still waking up at first bell and spending almost the entire day in the pit with Tim working on the cores. Tim says I'd make a top-rate mechanic if the pilot thing ends up not panning out. I'm finally starting to get an idea of how they work, and not just Tim telling me what to do. If I keep at it, Tim says he'll probably give me the go-ahead to start training as a pilot in the next couple of months. It feels so far away, but I can barely believe how much time has passed already. I miss you like crazy. I feel like the only thing keeping me going is the fact that I'll get to see you in a few weeks for holiday. My parents are really excited that they'll get to meet you finally, as well. You seem to be all my mom ever talks about to me anymore. It keeps her mind off of things, I guess, so it's not too bad. She says dad hasn't been home a lot because of work. Now that it's been 90 days since I finished BASIC, I get my first paycheck and the back-pay for the 90 days. I'm really excited to give it to my dad so he can take a break. He'll probably give me a hard time about it, but it's the least I can do. How is your family doing? You said you hadn't talked to them much after the big fight about changing your major, is everything back to normal? Anyway, I miss you terribly. I love to watch the video message you sent a few days ago. I know I've said it a bazillion times, but I really do like what you're doing with your hair! I know Claire is insisting you keep it short, but I really do like it a bit longer. I can't wait to see it in person.
All my heart,
Jim
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Dearest Molly,
I love you! It still feels magical to say that to you. I know it's been a while since holiday when we started saying it, but it's still a rush every single time. My mom said to say “hi” again, as well. She is still so in love with you, it's crazy. She said that the microsurgeries went well and that she should be up and about for at least a little longer. The doctors say she shouldn't have another scare like that for a while, at least. The paychecks I've been sending to dad have really been helping, too. Mom says he's home more and that he's been really pleasant. They're the happiest I've seen them in a really, really long time. I still am so sorry you had to hear us fight, though. It's just how he is. He still wants to be the patriarch of the family. Admitting he needs the help just isn't in his nature. Speaking of which, how are things with your family? You said your mom was going to come by yesterday, did you get anything worked out? I'm so glad you decided to stick to your guns, I really think Ancient Archaic Literature is better for you than Business Management. I know your dad was really set on you taking over his business, but it's like you said, your younger brother idolizes him and has dreamed of being the family's standard bearer since he was a child. And, with how much help you needed in Math...I'm kidding! You're so smart I'm sure you could've handled it no problem. But you love those old pre-Collapse books so much, and our culture is so obsessed with pre-Collapse things that I don't think you'd have any problem with work, either. Anyway, I know you always say you could read my notes for hours, but then what would we talk about tomorrow! I love you so much, Molly. My heart is bursting for you and I miss you more and more each second. I'll talk with you tomorrow.
All my heart, forever,
Jim
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Dearest Molly,
Ugh. I failed, again. I feel so worthless, Molly. I don't know how I did it, either! Tim said I was going like gangbusters in the pit. These machines are so amazing, Molly, I wish you could see them. It's not even their anatomy that boggles me, though, to be fair, that is quite amazing. The way their arms articulate, the way their fingers move. You can tell it was modeled on our own anatomy, but you can see that since it is purpose-built, where they made the upgrades that evolution misses. And the interface controls are mind-boggling. The sensor stalk, the thing that looks sorta like a head, is connected to a giant test-tube-shaped plug that's filled top-to-bottom with computer systems and in the middle a tiny little door swings open and the whole thing is lined with memory foam you get sandwiched in. The craziest part is that the memory foam is full of living nanomachines that respond to environmental stressors. They hook you up to the flight rig, this complicated helmet that feeds you air and is full of sensors and stimulators that intercept and insert brain signals, so that you ARE the robot, you aren't just controlling it. Since Standish and you had that talk and said we can talk about this stuff (I really am sorry about that, he is much nicer then he apparently was when he, “interrogated,” you) Tim said that the old world had planned to put these on the orbiting missile bases so that they could be deployed from space and dropped onto any location with minimal traveling overhead. However, the Great Collapse happened before they could get them up there. Anyway, I'm pretty sure you don't care about the Cores, and the less I talk about them the less chance Standish will show up to harass you, again. How're classes? Did you ace your first mid-term? I know you'd been studying super hard for it yesterday. Did your dad come by yet? I know you guys have been OK for a while, but you said you were scared of why he'd want to come visit you, still. Mom is stable but it still isn't looking too great, long term. She's never had an episode this bad and the doctors say that means things are worse than they thought they were. I'll let you know if anything changes. Anyway, I need to get back to studying as I'm sure you do, too. I really want to finish this practical exam so I can start training in the Sims. I love you Molly. I miss you desperately. I dream of you and the next time I get to see your beautiful, serene face. It's the only thing keeping me going sometimes.
All my heart, always,
Jim
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Dearest Molly,
I'm still in the hospital. Mom's had her third major episode since last month and they don't know if she has much longer. Standish is furious that I'm interrupting my Sim training, but Professor Cecilia has my back and even Gunny Garrell gave him a hard time. I know you're busy with school and Student Government and the dorm, but if you could come by, the Commander said I can have a few more days here. I really need you. My dad comes by after work every day, but you know how he is. I think this might be the last time I get to see my mom. I could use someone here who gets that. Anyway, if you can't it's OK. We'll see each other next time I have off. I don't know when I'll get leave again, however, I'm pretty deep into training so it may be a while. If you need help getting here, I'll do whatever it takes. I miss you, my love.
All my heart,
Jim
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Dearest Molly,
Today wasn't a good day. I thought jumping back into training after the funeral was the best thing I could do for myself, but I can feel my scores suffering. I haven't been able to get better than a 75% sync ratio with the simulator and I failed just about every exercise today. I could barely even get the damned thing to walk. I still can't believe how hard this has all been hitting me. You keep saying that it's OK but I really wanted to meet your parents in a different venue. Them seeing me so frail and not being able to even mention a single thing about what I'm doing, especially with you only now being back on really good terms with them, was really scary. Your dad has been a real godsend, though. It was murder for my dad to be in that hospital every day for the whole 6 months she was in there. We were there for a little bit with him, and he said it helped a lot, my dad loves you so much, but I couldn't be there for the 3 months after that where she was at her worst. My dad said that the weekly coffees he's having with your father are the only thing keeping him from falling apart completely. I don't know where I'd be without you, myself, Molly. I feel like my life is shrinking. I don't even game anymore. It's just wake up, training, and sleep. I haven't heard from Deka and Shamz since the team won finals and my dad barely talks to me anymore. I still don't get to spend any time with any of the other pilots and now that I'm done with mechanical training, I don't even see the other recruits I signed on with. It's like my life is just the simulators, my dorm, and you. Which is fine. You're all I'll ever need, I love you so much. But I don't want to smother you. I feel like I'm becoming more and more needy and I don't think I could handle losing you. It pains me to even admit that. Standish says that if I can get my sync ratios and my technical scores back up, I should graduate from flight school right before you start next semester. He has been uncommonly kind since the funeral. If I can hold my time-table, he said you can come to the graduation ceremony here on the base. If you can't make it, I get that, but it might be the only chance I get to show you my world. Anyway, I don't want to dump on you any more than I already have. I know you are having a hard time with your life as it is. I'll talk to you later, my love.
All my heart,
Jim
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Dearest Molly,
Thank you again for the support. I don't know how many times I can thank you, but let's figure it out. I know I've been so weird these last several weeks and you've just been so great. I really think I'm starting to get back into the swing of things, and I can thank you for that. I'm so happy that you've been able to work things out with your parents and that our parents are such good friends now. I knew your dad would come around. Anyway, my sync ratios have been through the roof these last few days and I aced all of my technicals. They're going to upgrade my training simulator to the highest levels and once I pass these exams I can actually get into a real Core. It still blows my mind. Controlling them with my head! Do you think I should Aug? Could you love me if I were like that? Would you think I'm a freak? I can see how much it'd help me now. When I get out of the simulators I'm just exhausted. The injection sensors are saying I'm burning almost ten thousand calories a day. One thing I didn't realize is that The Box, as they call it, uses your nervous system instead of your brain. So it waits for signals to be sent to your arm and then intercepts them instead of you just thinking about moving. So, I just sit in a foam jewelry box full of machines, twitching and thinking. It's physically exhausting as well as mentally. Apparently, Auging will alleviate pretty much all of that stress, as well as amp up my synch ratios and response times. I just don't know. The control of these things is so crazy, too. It's like learning to walk all over again. I have to plow through just a ton of exercises so that my brain can sync up with the machine. Where I am right now, it still feels like an out of body experience. I chatted with Marion about all of this and she said that it'll come in time. Now that I'm getting pretty good with the things, they had me take a quick run in the full sim modules and I was able to talk with some of the other pilots. They are all super competitive and when they're not piloting, a lot of them spend their off-hours in the simulators as well, so Marion and Adrian and I had a talk about it all. They said the out-of-bodiness goes away and the machines start to feel like a second skin once you get enough time with them. Anyway, I know you have a huge party coming up that you need to plan for, and you wanna study. Finals are still a bit off for you but it's good. I know how important your classes are. I love you, Molly. Thanks so much for being there for me. I can't wait to see you this fall. It's been too long.
All my heart,
Jim
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Dearest Molly,
How is the Southern Union? I'm so jealous! The tropics sound pretty great right now, even if they are having their winter. It has to be SO beautiful. I know you're down there to look at an abroad college for next year, but you must be spending at least a LITTLE bit of time on the beach. And don't think I mentioned it yet, but I am so proud of you that you got accepted to the abroad program in the SU. Gymnasium is an amazing college and everyone around the world would agree, but the Southern Union is the academic center of the world. Highlands Institute for the Study of Ancient Text is like THE best college for archaic literature to have ever existed. If you have HISAT on your resume, no one can not listen to you. Are the jungles really as beautiful as they say they are? They say that they were one of the few places that remained mostly untouched by the nuclear waste and that there are still some tribes of humans that live beyond their Veils. Our little self-contained biomes simplify our existence tremendously, and remove our ability to destroy the planet like we had in the past, but life on the outside just seems so incredible. In the rough and tumble, where mankind has no hold and nature is free to live it's own merry life without us ruining things. I told you Standish has been beyond the Veils and into the Wilds. He says that the wilds may not be so wild if things get too hot, politically. I truly hope we never get there. It took us centuries to develop ways to peacefully coexist on this planet and to live in sync with the natural order. I would hate to see that progress get flipped because we can't look past our differences and help our friends out. Anyway, send me more pictures and videos! I miss your voice and I miss your face. And I told you your hair looked great longer. Even Claire can't deny that, now. I love you so much, Molly. It's only a few more months before I graduate and you get to spend time with me!
All my heart,
Jim.
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Dearest Molly,
One week! I can hardly wait! How have you been? I feel like I haven't heard from you since you got back from your trip to the SU. What happened with Professor Daniels? You said he talked to you about an internship with the State instead of your abroad and that was the last I heard. What's going on? Anyway, I promised you I'd write to you ever day and that's not going to stop me. I have been going gangbusters in the sims recently. Standish said the scientists can't shut up about how well I'm doing and how high my synch ratios are. I'm at 96%! They said that not even Blaize has broken 95% and he's Auged. I've also aced every single one of my exercises and I have my final exam tomorrow. I really feel like I'm getting the hang of these machines.
I finally heard back from Deka and Shamz, too! They say the team is doing so well, but even the coaches miss me. I even helped Deka work on a new strat. I'm so proud of how well they're all doing. I got to chat with Adrian, again. He wanted to hear about all my old gaming stories. It was nice to just relax and focus on something that isn't related to the Cores. Not hearing from you has been driving me batty and even something so small has been a lifeline. I really think I'm ready for tomorrow. I want to get some studying in before I go to sleep so I'm going to let you go. I hope to hear from you soon. I love you so much, Molly, I can hardly wait to see you.
All my heart,
Jim
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Dearest Molly,
Alright, if you're trying to make me worried, I'm worried. Are you going to be able to be here tomorrow? I really hope so. I can't wait to see you. I'll be looking for you. I am getting a special commendation for doing so well on my exams and Dyman himself is going to be there to give it to me, so if you could be there for such an honor, I really can't think of a way I could ever be happier. Anyway, if you get this, let me know. I'll look for you. I love you. Miss you!
All my heart,
Jim